Tuesday, 3 December 2013

where the hell did 2012 go?

I've been having a bit of a tough time recently trying to figure out where I'm gonna go from here. What a hardship eh! I've been wracking my brain going through every possible career choice wondering if it's something I could pursue properly and live with the choice I make. People keep telling me that's it's OK to not know what I wanna do but I always have this niggling feeling that I should know by now and a voice telling me that I lack ambition or something. That and a paranoid feeling that they're secretly judging me. I mean I'm 24. Surely I should know by now. All my friends are uni graduates or taking on PhDs, setting themselves up for a financially secure future. I couldn't help but wonder whether I should just bite the bullet, choose something and get on with it. 
Or resist the pressures of conformity and REBEL!! (que whooping & cheering)
It occurred to me that I'm stressing out, not because I lack ambition, but because I don't fit into the social norm. From a very young age we're asked what we want to be when we grow up like there's just one thing we can pick. I remember when I was asked this at about 9 years old when everyone around me had ambitions of becoming doctors and policemen, I wanted to play for the men's Hibs football team. I was certain that by the time I was old enough they'd let a woman play on the team. Gutted.
Anyways my point being that I think from an early age I was destined to go against the grain. 
I actually started feeling for a while like I needed to lie about it. Tell everyone I knew exactly what I wanted to be. I thought that would make me seem more put together but I've come to the point I don't give a shit. The truth is I want to be a lot of things and I want to try them all before I decide on one thing!
I spoke to someone about this last week and they said to me "well as long as in ten years time you're not still wondering what you wanna do". WHY THE FUCK NOT??? I know who I want to be, career or no career and if it takes until I'm 50 to figure that career thing out then so be it. I don't know what I'll be doing come February and it's exciting not having a plan. 
So with that in mind and the festivities of CHRISTMAS descending upon us, I plan on having the best paper chain and cheese filled month possible!
I'm going to go and put on Rod Stewart's christmas album



and bake gingerbread donuts. 

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Good day to you!