Wednesday, 26 June 2013

A REAL SUMMER (edited)

Vancouver still hasn't shaken off the last remnants of spring but everyone assures me summer is on its way whether it's now or a late summer in August, frankly I couldn't care less as long as I can go home not looking like I've just been hiding in Glasgow for 12 months.

taking creepy photos of my friends
posing with the poser of all posers on my birthday

Last night I sat with friends on the art gallery steps watching people breakdance on the ice rink below until there was just one guy left, just his silhouette dancing on his own with his spindly legs and wooly hat. We'd been shopping for my birthday outfit, had coffee, talked about beards and bald men at the waterfront at False Creek then had dinner at the veggie friendly Templeton restaurant come diner on Granville. And lemme tell ya...veggie hot dog with vegan chilli, melted cheese on a bun with fries is heaven on a plate. Did I mention I was vegetarian? 7 weeks on Monday. 2 dress sizes down I'm unsure whether it's the no-meat-diet or the work-drink-work lifestyle I've been living of late. Living up to the Scottish stereotype with a particular flare and very little finesse.

Friday, 21 June 2013

Bog Of Eternal Stench

My older brother used to threaten me with the Bog of Eternal Stench when we were younger if I wouldn't get him the TV remote or steal, a biscuit or something. The title speaks for itself I think but if you want more details Wikipedia it or watch Labyrinth, David Bowie's in it, nuff said. Now that we're all familiar with the bog of eternal stench, you might be thinking what sort of twisted monster child would threaten his 5 year old, cute as hell, chubby faced, Winnie the Pooh-loving sister with that? All I'm gonna say is what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Thanks bruv. And I'm positive I used to do the same thing to my younger brother when I grew smart enough.

The point of this little anecdote is my seemingly deep-rooted fear of all things swamp like or anything infamous bad-smelling. I realised this last night walking home, a route that I take all the time but that I know is home to skunks. One skunk last night apparently liked the look of me. Now you can tell me all you want that animals are most likely more scared of you than you are of them but I'm not listening because this little guy blocked my path home TWICE and I am 99% sure it was intentional. Luckily for me his brain is the size of a peanut and I outsmarted him in the middle of the road with a crazy fast direction change, you know like that thing footballers do when they pretend to go one way and they spin round and run in the opposite direction? I wish I'd looked that fancy..
My heart was beating at least 500 beats per minute and I definitely started to sweat and I could smell him and it smelled like what I imagined as a child the Bog of Eternal Stench to smell like.
But that's Vancouver.

Apologies for the massive absence in the recent months but lots of things have been going on and I promise to fill you in slowly.