A REAL SUMMER (edited)

Vancouver still hasn't shaken off the last remnants of spring but everyone assures me summer is on its way whether it's now or a late summer in August, frankly I couldn't care less as long as I can go home not looking like I've just been hiding in Glasgow for 12 months.

taking creepy photos of my friends

posing with the poser of all posers on my birthday

Last night I sat with friends on the art gallery steps watching people breakdance on the ice rink below until there was just one guy left, just his silhouette dancing on his own with his spindly legs and wooly hat. We'd been shopping for my birthday outfit, had coffee, talked about beards and bald men at the waterfront at False Creek then had dinner at the veggie friendly Templeton restaurant come diner on Granville. And lemme tell ya...veggie hot dog with vegan chilli, melted cheese on a bun with fries is heaven on a plate. Did I mention I was vegetarian? 7 weeks on Monday. 2 dress sizes down I'm unsure whether it's the no-meat-diet or the work-drink-work lifestyle I've been living of late. Living up to the Scottish stereotype with a particular flare and very little finesse.

Bog Of Eternal Stench

My older brother used to threaten me with the Bog of Eternal Stench when we were younger if I wouldn't get him the TV remote or steal, a biscuit or something. The title speaks for itself I think but if you want more details Wikipedia it or watch Labyrinth, David Bowie's in it, nuff said. Now that we're all familiar with the bog of eternal stench, you might be thinking what sort of twisted monster child would threaten his 5 year old, cute as hell, chubby faced, Winnie the Pooh-loving sister with that? All I'm gonna say is what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Thanks bruv. And I'm positive I used to do the same thing to my younger brother when I grew smart enough.

The point of this little anecdote is my seemingly deep-rooted fear of all things swamp like or anything infamous bad-smelling. I realised this last night walking home, a route that I take all the time but that I know is home to skunks. One skunk last night apparently liked the look of me. Now you can tell me all you want that animals are most likely more scared of you than you are of them but I'm not listening because this little guy blocked my path home TWICE and I am 99% sure it was intentional. Luckily for me his brain is the size of a peanut and I outsmarted him in the middle of the road with a crazy fast direction change, you know like that thing footballers do when they pretend to go one way and they spin round and run in the opposite direction? I wish I'd looked that fancy..

My heart was beating at least 500 beats per minute and I definitely started to sweat and I could smell him and it smelled like what I imagined as a child the Bog of Eternal Stench to smell like.

But that's Vancouver.

Apologies for the massive absence in the recent months but lots of things have been going on and I promise to fill you in slowly.

sort your life out (part 2)

I think people assumed I had some sort of plan when I decided to come here, a plan for when I got here, a plan of where we were going and maybe a plan for when I got back. Like what I'm gonna do with my life when I return to Scotland. Well I got news for ya folks, I've no such plan. Whatsoever.

I think I'm supposed to be "finding myself" right now. Whatever that means.

"journey of self-discovery" WHAT!!! Clearly there's some sort of key ingredient to this that has been withheld from me 'cause there ain't no self-discovery going on on W 11th Avenue. Not unless I will find myself at the bottom of this bottle of rose?

HOWEVER. This thing has happened and I'm not sure what it means yet, but I think it means I'm headed in the right direction and that itself is a cause for celebration. And it is that I don't dread work tomorrow. In all my days who'd have thought it eh! A meat grinder. I'm not gonna get too smug about it because I wouldn't go as far to say I enjoy it because after all it's work and me, so maybe it's the people. This is a very confusing feeling. I'm completely new to this concept. Enjoy work? "IMPOSSIBLE" I once would have roared. Not now, gosh.

david attenborough eat yer heart out

Vancouver has decided to stop raining, at least for a few days, and has been replaced by fog.

"Ugh" I hear you drone. But fog in Vancouver is no such "ugh" at all. Here it sits just at the right height so that the mountains peak out at the top and the beaches, the sea, Stanley Park and the downtown skyline are still visible at the bottom. This right here makes for a bloody mint bus journey to work. It's all very mysterious-looking.

Rain, you are not wanted here. On this day off from work I got my exercise on and went for a quick 16k up the coast {or at least it would've been quick 4 months ago but now my muscle has wasted away} and took my camera along just in case. WELL. Glad I did. I stopped at Jericho beach, not for a cigarette because I don't smoke anymore, and there was a seal in the water so I sat on a log and watched it for a while. Further up the coast I seen 2 Bald eagles flying past and a further 5 juvenile-looking eagles on a tree. WHOA I know! David Attenborough eat yer heart out.

charlie on a homeless man's guitar

In the last 24 hours I've tricked another Aussie into believing I'm a fellow Aussie, watched another Aussie snort a line of coke off a homeless man's guitar, patted my friend's back as she vomited over the bus stop and my shoes, lost my passport and my bag and my journal at a beach, found my passport, my bag and my journal, had a Mcdonalds, a bowl of bacon poutine and a bowl of cheesy pasta, smashed my head off a bus stop, was bought and cooked dinner, went for a New Years day walk to the beach and watched the sun set, laughed non-stop and drank my body weight in rose wine and tequila and finished the day off with a scalding bath and a gid book. Start the year as you mean to go on and all that jazz. If the last 24 hours is anything to go by, then {with fear of sounding too cheesy} I can't wait for the rest of 2013.

history doesn't record well-behaved people

As far as new years resolutions go I'm sure we're on the same page. I've not followed a resolution through till the end in all my adult life and I'm in no doubt that nothing's going to change this year.
I feel like it might be something to do with a subconscious hatred towards being told what to do, even if I'm telling myself. Unless you're paying my wages, you can put money on me not doing as I'm told. Just ask my mum.
In light of this, come January first I will be continuing the fun of 2012 with no resolutions or intentions, because let's be frank...no one has EVER in the history of the planet ever ever regretted not making new years resolutions. Ever. And plus, I love surprises.

So lets all stumble into 2013 as we usually do, totally mortal, drunk, smashed, gazeeboed, however you like to say it, and quit pretending that this will be the year where we become outstanding citizens.

Make a stranger smile.

Not a lot to report from the last week, I've had to quit the fundraiser stuff because of schedules. I've been pretty sad about it but after a lengthy chat with a homeless man, over a hot cup of coffee on my break at my meat grinding job, I remembered there's people who'll be having a much shitter time this Christmas.
SO.

 My mission this Christmas is to make at least one person smile every day. First my new friend Boomer the homeless man, then the sad looking gas station man, and today a chat with a lady working in Tim's. Smiling makes you feel better don't ya know. And plus, it snowed today in Vancouver and I'm one of those annoying folks who's still mesmerised by it.
I've become a warm fuzzy person inside.